CENTIPEDE #5

“Untitled”
Writer: Max Bemis
Artist: Eoin Marron

Dale finds some kind of fighter craft which is real easy to use. So he takes off and attacks the centipede. It ends up eating his craft. A vision of his mom wakes him up and he finds out that the centipede is pregnant. What follows is a rambling about how evil men are and Dale than blows out of the centipede through her ass. He then sends a missile up her butt which blows the centipede up. At the end he gets a radio message from his boyfriend who is apparently still alive. There are other survivors and he begs Dale to come to them. Dale refuses because this isn’t a love story and blasts off into space in his fighter.

So this heap of shit of a series comes to a close. Dynamite was slated to do a whole series of titles based on the old classic Atari games. I was looking forward to this as I grew up in the eighties with Atari. Seemed like a cool idea. Unfortunately they chose this asshat to do a series and naturally it tanked. So I guess for now there will be no classic Atari in the future because someone hired a complete incompetent idiot. Anyway we will move on to something much better.

CENTIPEDE #4

“Untitled”
Writer: Max Bemis
Artist: Eoin Marron

So Dale after eating the mushrooms has a hallucination of being born a young centipede. He grows up and meets his daddy centipede who is real mean to him. In fact the evil daddy sells him to some aliens. The aliens use him as some gladiator in an arena. He fights these gnome like aliens in fighters. Eventually he grows old and has an eye-patch. He breaks free and wakes up. Dale now knows what to do and goes to the city. In an underground hanger he prepares a fighter.

WTF is this all about? This has got to be the biggest piece of shit comic I have ever read. An endless story of a creepy little centipede with a human head and his whining. Once again someone with major daddy issues. This series is just pure shit.

CENTIPEDE #3

“Untitled”
Writer: Max Bemis
Artist: Eoin Marron

So Dale is attacked by spiders but luckily has a large gun that blows them to pieces. So later at night he reflects on his past. He has a talk with his mother about his abusive father. The two bond by making fun of his dad’s gut. He also gets support after revealing he is in love with a man. So after this he tries many different plans to destroy the centipede. None are successful. Another flashback with Dale and his boyfriend having an argument as the centipede destroys the city. His boyfriend chastises him for running away instead of fighting. The centipede in spite of being powerful enough to destroy a planet is incapable of taking out this dipshit survivor. So he starts throwing spiders at Dale. Dale shoots them than decides to eat some of the mushrooms that the centipede leaves around. Dale has a psychedelic experience where he flies around naked and making out with his boyfriend.

God is this series a heaping pile of shit. We get to find out Dale’s father is abusive and unloving. His mother is just so understanding. A good lecture about Dale’s fears of turning into all the toxic masculinity that his father is. He tries all sorts of stupid attempts to kill the centipede. The dumb centipede can’t even kill this loser. Yes this series is pure shit. I have a feeling it’s not going to get any better.

CENTIPEDE #2

“Untitled”
Writer: Max Bemis
Artist: Eion Marron

So we continue with Dale lecturing us about the centipede. Basically the centipede is very dumb which is how he escapes it. The dumb centipede falls on it’s back. The centipede was found to be very dumb but invulnerable. They tried sniping it. Building a giant maze with half-eaten people as bait. This is where they find out it eats steel. Lure it into a nuclear testing zone with a female centipede mock up. We never find out what happened there. They also feed it it’s own poop. Eventually the centipede finds Dale talking to us and attacks. Dale manages to stab it in the eye and it flies off. So he goes back to his bunker and sleeps for two days. Then he talks to us about his best friend growing up. It turns into a homosexual relationship. Dale is back in the present driving in a heavily armed land rover and the centipede finds him. He drives over a cliff which turns out to be not that long. The dumb centipede flies by him too dumb to notice where Dale went. At the end the giant spiders attack him.

OK so this centipede is so dumb but the advanced military and finest minds can’t come up with anyway to defeat it. Yet Dale just stabs it in the eye with a knife and hurts it. Well that’s believable. Then we go on about his childhood friend that turns into his lover. Another pointless encounter and another cliffhanger that you really are rooting for the spiders to eat this guy. So basically the whole moral of the story is you have to be dumb to defeat a dumb monster. I have a feeling that his series will not improve down the road.

CENTIPEDE #1

“Untitled”
Writer: Max Bemis
Artist: Eoin Marron

Dale Trell is the last survivor on the planet Sty-rek. He has been living in a bunker and has decided to make up an imaginary friend. He tells his story of how his planet steals and harvests information from other systems. His favorite are the pulp fiction stories of Earth. So he decides to get out of the bunker and explore the nearby city with an assault rifle. In the city he finds mushrooms from the giant centipede lying around. He also is attacked by giant spiders and manages to destroy them by blowing up his land rover.

A flashback shows that Dale wasn’t a very bright kid. He was more interested in make believe instead of the collective need of his society. Their religion is filled with bland passionless gods. So he continues on wandering around the city until he comes face to face with the giant centipede.

So the second Atari series that Dynamite did was on the classic Centipede game. This one was taking place on some alien but Earth-like world that was destroyed by a giant centipede. Not a bad idea but so far this story did not impress me. The main character is totally unlikeable. He seems pathetic and his whole society sounds like one big dull planet. The whole goofy thing with this society stealing other peoples info is just kind of dumb. I don’t have much faith that it will get better but who knows?

CENTIPEDE

“Centipede”
Writers: Howard Post and Andrew Gutelle
Artists: Howard Post and Robert Smith

Oliver is the littlest elf. He has his friends spider, scorpion, flea and centipede. As he arrives home from visiting his friends the evil wizard on Mr. Mushmore turns his family’s crop of mushrooms into toadstools. Seems this evil wizard loves toadstools and is turning all the valley’s mushrooms into slimy toadstools. Naturally the elves depend on mushrooms since that’s all they eat. So they gather a mob to go after the wizard. Oliver being the littlest is left behind to chop down the toadstools.

The wizard uses his wand to turn the mob into toadstools. He than notices Oliver chopping down his toadstools and grows bat wings and tries to turn him into a toadstool. Only while chasing him he isn’t paying attention and crashes into a chimney. Oliver grabs up the wand and it takes him away. He goes looking for the other elves never realizing they were turned to toadstools.

The wizard than goes to his insect friends and hypnotizes them to go after Oliver. Only the littlest segment of the centipede is not hypnotized and warns Oliver. Oliver uses the wand to turn his bug friends into mushrooms. He than forces the wizard to un-hypnotize his friends and turn everyone back. Oliver’s final act is to zap the evil wizard and make him a good one.

So this mini-comic was included with the Atari game Centipede. It was a fun little comic with all the characters from the video game. It gave a good story to the game. I loved these little extra comics that were included with the games. They were well done.