ARCHIE VS. PREDATOR #4

“Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner”
Writer: Alex de Campi
Artist: Fernando Ruiz

The Predator has mortally wounded Archie. Betty and Veronica are cowering in fear. Yet the Predator after tearing off the skin on his Dilton trophy just leaves the Jaguar blade and leaves them alone. Betty passes out and wakes in the bedroom of Veronica. Veronica has a nice dress on and gives one to Betty. She says “if I’m going to die, you can bet it’s going to be in couture.” She than has Betty help them bring Archie into the panic room. First she sets the self destruct. Than they put Archie in some medical healing machine. Only Veronica sets it to way too high and it alters Archie into a super steroid muscleman.

Veronica than arms herself with a Uzi and waits for the Predator. She doesn’t have long to wait. Veronica attacks but just makes the Predator mad. Betty trips and knocks her out of the way at the last minute. Than muscle Archie comes to the rescue. Only Archie is still no match and gets his head chopped off. Betty and Veronica attack the Predator with the Jaguar knife and a mace. Only now the house is about to explode so they drag themselves into the panic room. The wounded Predator drags himself along. Appears he was in love with the girls. At the end the girls are using the medical machine to turn the Predator into a version of Archie. After all he was devoted to them.

“Josie and the Pussycats meet Finder”
Writer: Alex de Campi
Artist: Carla Speed McNeil

The Pussycats are at a station out in the middle of a desert going to a festival. Some hunky guy directs them to some spa. A story that really made no sense to me.

So the end comes. This should have been called Betty & Veronica vs. Predator since they were the main characters. Archie just was a supporting character. This was fine since they were way more interesting than Archie. I mean the guy is so white bread he probably can’t hang around a supermarket for fear someone will mistake him for a loaf of Wonder Bread and buy him. Also this cover was my favorite. These two girls are so hot. Also inside with their dresses torn and them kicking ass which was a real turn on. I can’t understand what these two see in such a doofus as Archie. Anyway this was real a hot issue.

I enjoyed this series. It was just plain goofy which is what you would expect in such a series. The Predator was apparently in love with either Betty, Veronica or both. You almost feel sorry for him. He has such a sad look when the girls are trying to kill him. Plus the whole kooky ending with them turning him into the perfect Archie. That’s just nuts. They decided to do a sequel years later and we look at how that turned out.

ARCHIE VS. PREDATOR #3

“Full Metal Varsity Jacket”
Writer: Alex de Campi
Artist: Fernando Ruiz

Jughead comes back the sole survivor of the attempted ambush of the Predator. He finds the gang hiding out in Riverdale High. Some of the other girls decide to run away since the Predator is after Veronica. Dilton the geeky kid says he has the answer in the A.V. room. So they go there but Jughead stops at the candy vending machine. He uses the Jaguar knife which attracts the Predator who than kills him. Archie goes looking for his friend and trip on Jughead’s intestines on the floor. The Predator has mounted Jughead’s head in the candy machine. This pisses off Archie who vows to kill it.

Anyway after some humorous comments about Jughead they reach the A.V. room. Dilton has been upset he can’t get any girls so build a giant Archie robot. Only the robot goes on the fritz and starts attacking everyone. The Predator shows up and wounds Archie. Dilton in the robot manages to pin the Predator with a net. With encouragement from Betty he brings the robot under control. Yet after opening his helmet another Predator comes and tears off his head. Now Betty, Veronica and a wounded Archie are at the mercy of a Predator.

“Jughead Meets Mind MGMT “S” is for Sleeper”
Writer: Alex de Campi
Artist: Matt Kindt

Uncle Henry takes Jughead to the top of a cliff. He than pushes him off. Jughead survives and finds out his uncle is part of clandestine group that uses mind-powered agents to manipulate world events for the common good. Jughead is the last, hungriest immortal. He will be a perfect sleeper agent.

Well this is getting very weird. The gang find some nerdy geek has built a killer robot of Archie. It seems to defeat the Predator but not good enough. Poor Jughead and his hunger get the better of him. In spite of being terrified they can still crack some jokes at Jughead’s situation. A crazy story that has the Archie gang and their clean wholesome comic confront buckets of gore and violence. I love it.

ARCHIE VS. PREDATOR #2

“To Live and Die in a Small Town”
Writer: Alex de Campi
Artist: Fernando Ruiz

The gang is having lunch at Pop’s talking about their recent vacation. Someone comes in with news that Cheryl and Jason were killed by some animal. Soon after that Pop’s comes with a cake for the group when the Predator lasers his head off. The gang panic and lock themselves in the kitchen until the police arrive. Betty is convinced she is to blame. She inadvertently cursed Veronica with the Jaguar Blade. So they have to go to Greendale and visit Sabrina since she knows about voodoo.

They get to Sabrina and she agrees to help. She starts a ceremony with some goat head mask when the Predator bursts in and kills her. He than takes her skull and spine as a trophy and blasts Salem the cat. Veronica takes one of Sabrina’s dresses to replace her ruined one and the two have the boys meet them at the school gym. They get there and Moose has brought a bunch of guns and his father who is an army general. The general explains what the Predators are and the rules they operate by. The boys with their guns plan an ambush and dress Jughead up as Veronica to use as bait. Only the Predator ambushes the ambushers.

“Little Mask and his Pals”
Writer: Alex de Campi
Artist: Art-Chie Baltazar

A one page comic. Little Archie and the gang are upset about fireworks being cancelled. Archie finds a green mask and turns into the Mask. He starts his own fireworks but Betty hits him over the head with a broom. The mask falls off and Archie wonders what happened.

So the story continues. I just love how Veronica and Betty are so self absorbed they seem oblivious to the danger they are in. So now we have the guys have some guns and the father general gives them some insight into the Predator. Still don’t know why the Predator is interested in the girls. Also the Jaguar Blade was shattered in the attack on Sabrina. Yet it put itself together and found its way into Veronica’s purse which Jughead was carrying at the end. So there is some link to the blade and the Predator. So far an enjoyable satiric take on the Predator.

ARCHIE VS. PREDATOR #1

“When You Wish Upon A Star”
Writer: Alex de Campi
Artist: Fernando Ruiz

It is Spring Break in Riverdale and the gang wants to do something new. The rich snobs Cheryl and Jason come to taunt them of their wonderful vacation in the Caribbean. Luckily Jughead wins a vacation to a resort from his bag of chips. So the gang goes off to Los Perdidos. (Wow this contest is generous. He like brings along a dozen people.) One the guys is worried about getting his yearbook stuff done. Archie suggests a contest to find the best dressed girl. Veronica seems sure to win. Betty is upset but gets help from the evil Cheryl who with her brother has come around to lord it over the plebes. She loans Betty a Chanil which helps her win.

So this sets off Veronica and a catfight ensues. Betty gets her nose broken but worse Archie tries to stop the fight and ends up falling on Veronica. She kisses him and Betty runs off into the jungle crying. She thinks Archie doesn’t car about her. She wanders to a jaguar temple and inadvertently steals a knife. She gets back and Veronica makes up with her. They decide to go back home early. Oh and the Predator has landed and harvested Cheryl and Jason as trophies. He also has for some reason developed a fixation on Betty and Veronica.

“Sabrina Meets Hellboy”
Writer: Alex de Campi
Artist: Robert Hack

A short one page backup story. Eight year old Sabrina is left alone with her cat Salem. Hellboy comes to visit the cat for some reason. The cat introduces the future King of Hell to the future Queen of the witches. Sabrina wants to play Legos.

When this first came out everyone thought this was a joke but this was a real thing. Another one of those wacky crossovers. Now I do have to wonder what the Hell would a Predator be interested in the gang from Riverdale. I mean they don’t seem the challenge that these aliens seek. So far the issue has been a very Archie-centric story. Most of it has the crazy teenage shenanigans that you would expect in an Archie comic. All the drama with the rivalry between Betty and Veronica for the love of Archie.(Never really understood that.) Jughead eating everything in sight. The snobby rich kids.

At the same time the Predator who has little screen time does still show that he is also in character. Namely skinning people and pulling out their skulls and spine. Both have very two different styles which really makes this two worlds colliding. Interesting to see what the hell the Predator wants with them. Definitely a kooky idea.

MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 THE COMIC #6

Writers: Harold Buchholz, Joel Hodgson, Matt McGinnis, Seth Robinson, Sharyl Volpe, Mary Robinson
Host Segment Art: Todd Nauck
In-Comics Artists: Mike Manley, Jack Pollock, Mimi Simon

Kinga wants to look good for the final issue. She has Ardy install a Hourglass Powerglass to speed up the stories. So first off is Black Cat. Her father was injured but is kidnapped by thugs along with Jonah and taken to the Sempel Farm. Black Cat confronts Resnick but he escapes with the injured Tim Turner. Later he is tracked to his yacht and Jonah and Black Cat finally manage to rescue the old coot.

Tom Servo manages to knock out their guard and with Shelley manage to escape. They wander around and run into the kidnappers but escape and are rescued by the police. At her parents house we find out that Shelley’s agent was behind the kidnapping. He pulls a gun but Shelley’s boyfriend rescues her. We find out the two are in love and getting married. Shelley will also quit acting. Tom goes back to file his story.

“Devil Claws”

A man named Darling is the darling of the music world. Unfortunately a car accident has him losing his hands and being replaced by hooks. Now he can’t play the piano. One night Crow approaches him and offers to reattach his hands. So Darling goes to his apartment which is a questionable lab where he can have his hands reattached. Kinga sees that this is hackneyed and decides to end it by creating a Totinos Pizza Roll volcano. Crow enters the volcano and a huge explosion results. Kinga is depressed that her experiment failed but wait. The comics are printed and everybody loves them. She is happy and then has the machine blown up. Only it leaves behind the Crow Keeper.

Well this was a pretty fast paced issue. The stories definitely were very hard to follow but the jokes were the best in the series. So everything was tied up and this seemed to be a successful experiment. I love MST3K and so I found the comic just as lovable as the TV show. A very interesting idea on how they pulled this off and very faithful to the spirit of the show.

MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 THE COMIC #5

Writers: Harold Buchholz, Joel Hodgson, Matt McGinnis, Seth Robinson, Sharyl Volpe and Mary Robinson
Host Segment Artist: Todd Nauck
In-Comics Artists: Mike Manley, Jack Pollock and Mimi Simon

Synthia has build the Rover Extruder. This device will get Crow and the other bots out of the kitchen they are trapped in. So it creates bubbles that take them out. Then we can get back to Tom Servo Teen Reporter. Last we left Tom he was on a plane with teen starlet Shelley. They crash the plane but some hick manages to call it in to the police which of course gets reported on the radio. The thugs who tried to kidnap Shelley happen to be hiding out in a shack and decide to try kidnapping Shelley again. So they find the two sitting around a fire and take them back to their shotgun shack in the wild.

In the Black Cat strip poor Chu’s son saves his father by throwing himself in front of him and taking the bullets meant for his father. This distraction allows the Black Cat and Jonah to kick ass on the thugs. They later stumble on the hiding place for the gems. Then we cut to a whole new story that has Jonah go to a carnival which ends up being a commercial for Totinos Pizza Rolls. Linda Turner is going with her father and runs into Jonah. Then she gets kidnapped by a disgruntled magician who wants her jewels.

“Iron Doom!”

Crowkeeper narrates a story of a castle where the Lord of Mader would kill people in the iron maiden. A descendant wants to turn the castle into a horror museum. He finds a dead body in bed and has the servant help him get rid of it. Then pushes the servant down the stairs and for some inexplicable reason the whole castle blows up.

Well another comic in the saga. This one was full of groan worthy puns. The stories were also very incoherent and disjointed. Which makes for a perfect comic riffing experience. One more and Kinga will have a mini-series.

MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 THE COMIC #4

Writers: Harold Buchholz, Joel Hodgson, Matt McGinnis, Seth Robinson, Sharyl Volpe, and Mary Robinson
Host Segment Artist: Todd Nauck
In-Comics Artists: Mike Manley, Jack Pollock and Mimi Simon

Kinga is very happy with how her comic book experiment is going and has Ardy load the Black Cat comic.

“Black Cat The Buddha’s Secret”

Linda Turner is the glamorous Hollywood actress that is the crime fighting heroine Black Cat. She is on the set of “Blood on the Idol” playing a Chinese woman. Back in those days Caucasians usually played Asian parts. After her scene she buys a Buddha statue from Fu Chu who rents out props from his trade company. His son objects because he already sold it to someone in China but Fu Chu could care less and sells it the Linda.

Later Linda sees someone stealing her Buddha statue and takes off as the Black Cat to follow. The man goes to Fu Chu’s Import House and inside she runs into Jonah who is playing around with the fire breathing dragon statue. The two find Fu Chu’s son in a transdimensional temple that is bigger on the inside than the outside. His son is being whipped and Black Cat rescues him after beating up some big Chinese guys. The temple priest Tensin tells that the son stole rubies and put them in the statue to pay off his bookie Rocky. Fu Chu forgives his son but Rocky shows up with his hoods to collect.

“The Clay Coffin”

Crowkeeper tells the story of Hortense a great sculptor and married to Grover. Grover starts having an affair with the beautiful maid. So Hortense drugs the maid and encases her in her sculptor. She wins a prize and uses it to get plastic surgery and become beautiful. Then she gets hired by her cheating husband who starts an affair with her. Only Hortense gets revenge by killing him and planning to make a sculptor of him. Only she slips while dragging the body and falls in the lime pit.

Kinga then turns on Tom Servo but finds the scene is stuck at the mother’s place with the bots enjoying a nice meal. So Kinga comes as some kind of Mary Poppins advertising Totino Pizza Rolls. She created a Totino tornado that is driven by Max. Only Max loses control and ruins her plans to destroy this scene. At the end Synthia comes up with a plan to get thing back on track.

Well another really funny issue. The stories they highlight are incredibly goofy and convoluted making them a joy in riffing. And I also enjoy the host segment that link them. Just like the TV show. A very enjoyable issue.

MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 THE COMIC #3

Writers: Harold Buchholz, Joel Hodgson, Matt McGinnis, Seth Robinson, Sharyl Volpe and Mary Robinson
Host Segment Artist: Todd Nauck
In-Comics Artists: Jack Pollock and Mike Manley

Ardy has managed to stabilize the Bubbulat-R with a device that can pick which comic to watch. So Kinga starts with Tom Servo Teen Reporter. Tom is with Shelley’s family and finds out her parents were sorry about her ugly duckling childhood. So they indulge her now that she is a big Hollywood star. Over breakfast Tom and Chuck get into an argument over Chuck being a dickweed. Later Shelley takes Tom for a ride in her airplane but forgets to check if there was enough gas. Now the plane is going to crash.

Kinga then switches over to Black Cat and Jonah. Jonah wanders to the castle of the Rook. His henchmen are looking through the contest letters to find a clue of the real identity of the Black Cat. The Rook activates a hidden trap door to throw Jonah in the dungeon. The Black Cat comes out of the moat after crashing her cycle in it. She too enters the castle and gets suckered by the trap door in the floor. Fortunately Black Cat uses the electrical wiring to short circuit the lock on the door. Then she and Jonah grab some guns and take the Rook and his minions prisoner.

“Terror On High”

The final story is Crow as the Crowkeeper narrating a story of two guys who visit a monastery in the Bavarian Alps. They are there because the monks have been preserving the bodies of lost travelers in the cellar for hundreds of years. Some of these travelers were carrying valuables. So the two sneak in and steal the loot. Then they take off. First they come to a cabin and find Kinga and her gang having a Totinos party. Crow comes and breaks this up because he isn’t getting any residuals. Then the two guys find another cabin. Here they are attacked by the bodies of the men they stole from. They fall down into a crevasse and die of hypothermia. The monks find the bodies and put them in the cellar.

So they seem to be getting the hang of this format. The three stories all flow together nicely. The jokes are good and enjoyable. They make a lot of fun out of these bad cheezy comics.

MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 THE COMIC #2

Writer: Harold Buchholz, Joel Hodgson, Matt McGinnis, Seth Robinson, Sharyl Volpe, Mary Robinson
Host Segment Artist: Todd Nauck
In-Comics Artist: Jack Pollock

Kinga Forrester is happy with the success of the Bubbulat-R. Now she has a Black Cat comic loaded in and it sucks in Jonah and Crow. They find themselves riding with the Black Cat a female superhero from 1946. They are in her motorcycle sidecar when it crashed into a rocket of Totino’s Pizza rolls that Kinga has inserted to shill for her sponsor. She has Max launched on the rocket which explodes and he falls screaming to Earth in a burning parachute.

“Black Cat and Jonah”

An evil kingpin named the Rook plots against the Black Cat. The Rook likes to play chess with live people and is pissed at the Black Cat for taking out all his evil kingpin buddies. So he gets a plan to launch a contest offering $50,000 to the person that can identify the secret identity of the heroine. Jonah is a radio announcer and is approached by the Rook to publicize this contest. Later he follows the truck with all the entries and the Black Cat also follows. They are discovered and shot at. Jonah is run off the road but Black Cat saves him. Then takes off and follows the truck to a castle.

“Tail of Death”

Crow is transported to another comic. This one has a brother named Joe who is a mad scientist trying to make a rat huge. His brother knows that Joe is insane but humors him. One day Joe turns a rat small. The rat bites him and infects him. So he shrinks his clothes and all. The brother locks him up in a parrot cage until he finds a cure. He does and brings him back but Joe is insane and kills his brother for locking him up in a cage. Later he finds out that the salts used were unstable and he shrinks again. He runs from the rat that he experimented on and gets eaten by a cat that he was mean to. At the end Crow is the Crow Keeper.

So now the other two characters are inserted into their own comics. Did they pick some real winners to use. These comics are just bad and it is hilarious to see how they riff on them.

MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 THE COMIC #1

Writers: Harold Buchholz Joel Hodgson Matt Mcginnis Seth Robinson Sharyl Volpe Mary Robinson
Host Segment Artist: Todd Nauck
In-Comics Artist: Mike Manley

In Moon 13 Kinga Forester has come up with a new diabolical invention. The Bubbulat-R. It takes a comic book and inserts people directly into the comic. She tests it out on Son of TV’s Frank and his lame Funny Animal comic. It works so she sends it to the Satellite of Love. The ship fills with green bubbles and adsorbs the crew. Tom Servo finds himself in the comic Johnny Jason Teen Reporter. He is the title character an 18 year old who works as a reporter for the Green City Journal. His robot companions Gypsy, Growler and M. Waverly are also transported to this strip and will provide their own funny observations throughout the strip.

“Tom Servo Teen Reporter in The Brat”

Shelley Marks is a teenage movie star out on a date with some fop. She is kidnapped by thugs in dinner jackets and forced into a car. Only the car blows a tire and the thugs abandoned their attempted kidnapping. The police and the fop date arrive and think that this was all a publicity stunt. Later Tom Servo is called into the editor’s office with his assignment. He will spend the weekend at the family ranch to find out if this was a hoax. So he arrives and meets the family. There is also the sinister ranch hand who dresses like a Frenchman. He doesn’t like Tom so puts a burr under the saddle when they are horse riding. Tom manages to stay on the horse but needs a change of pants.

Later at night he is awakened by a party. Kinga and Max are there serving Totino’s Pizza Rolls since they are funding this experiment. They also use Tom’s head as a serving tray. Later some punk tries to pick a fight with Tom but he manages to kick the thug’s ass. Shelly and the parents are impressed by Tom Servo.

So I remember that MST3K was talking about doing a comic book years ago. I always thought the idea sounded cool and was glad to see them finally take the plunge. I was curious how they were going to do it. Well they actually insert themselves into the comic and riff throughout. They add a little bubble on the word balloons to denote that this was added in and word balloons without the bubble are original comic dialogue. I really thought the jokes were hilarious and this really bad public domain comic from 1962 is just perfect. I look forward to seeing what happened to Jonah and Crow and their goofy adventures in public domain comics.